WARNING. Enter this sight at your own risk. Ugliness exists. You may not like what you see. It may sting you like a bumble bee. It may trigger a memory, sending you to the crematory. P.S. No porn just topic and lanuage could possibly offend. But I have to be real, I cannot pretend. This blog is for me, not you. So, if you do not like, then shoo.

Thursday, August 4, 2011


Okay so I got all involved with making pictures and I forgot to eat.  Why is this such a big deal?  It is not the first time and it probably will not be the last.  I just like doing those pictures.  I wanted to show them to you Wednesday when we saw you but fml1 was with you.

He is coming home tonight.  Crap.  EF EF EF EF EF EF EF….

‘N/SW’, I really need to see you next week.  What I mean is I need to be ‘out’ when we are there…I feel like I am going to lose it big time.  I hate feeling so weak.  It scares me.  I get this feeling of doom like something horrible is going to happen and I won’t be able to stop it.  I thought about calling you today...but you know that is not going to happen. 

I just feel like a royal pain in the ass.  I don’t want to be this needy, clingy little brat bothering you all the time.  I know you have your own life.  But right now we don’t have much a life except for you and group.  And I don’t feel like I can call them.  I know---that is not your problem.

I was always angry with the other T.  Now, with you, I feel sad.  Is that better?  It does not feel better.  But, at least I have not done anything to hurt the body.

We all have so much to tell you and there just is not enough time for all of us to ‘come out’ in our session and talk.  Did you like the box?  You probably think it looks stupid.  But, we do work well together when we put our minds to it.  Our room is turning out to be a group project too.  I am so glad we have it.  This has to be one of the best ideas you have come up with so far.  It is starting to feel safe.  It is starting to feel like ours.  Now if we could just get a lock on the door to keep HIM out.  That is going to be a monumental task for us because we are all afraid of his anger. 

Oh well, I guess I better start locking up the filing cabinet and the trunk before he gets here. 

Thank you for all you do for us.  I never thought I would be able to connect to you after what the last T did to us.  But, I do believe we are all starting to trust you…..even fml3.  He reminds me of the way I used to be.  I pity you!!!

Dev J