WARNING. Enter this sight at your own risk. Ugliness exists. You may not like what you see. It may sting you like a bumble bee. It may trigger a memory, sending you to the crematory. P.S. No porn just topic and lanuage could possibly offend. But I have to be real, I cannot pretend. This blog is for me, not you. So, if you do not like, then shoo.

Saturday, September 3, 2011


I am so sick of being here. I don't know if I am sick of being alive or just sick of being in this fucked up situation I refuse to leave. I feel like I just want to run away. Everytime I do anything it is wrong. Everytime I open my mouth I am accused of trying to tell him what to do or his favorite term "supervising". I know I am not perfect. He always says I accuse him...that everything is HIS fault, that it is never ME. But, that is not the truth. I told him that was a bunch of shit. I have been in therapy for over 20 years working on all my issues--that he is the one that refuses to go into therapy and get help. I can't take this shit much longer. I feel like I could scream. THen I feel like I could curl up in the fetal position and hide in a corner some place. I just want to cry and I can't. I feel like I am going to explode. I want out of here. I just have no place to go...no job...no way of supporting myself. I have not worked in so many years. No one is going to hire me. Then I have my handicaps to deal with...life sucks and then you die. AIE