WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LEAVE?



Copyright: Adam Scott Miller, Path with Heart

Yes, I know the answer to the question.  I just hate it when you go away, "N/SW".  It really frightens me.  I feel small.  I feel lost.  But, I DO NOT FEEL ANGRY.  Now that is a change for me.  I think I would rather be angry than feel this emptiness inside.   I am not used to this feeling.  It is new to me.  You are the one that has helped me find this 'un-angry Dev'.  But I am not sure I like him/me.  I do not like the pain it creates, the sadness, the fear.  I am supposed to be FEARLESS.  That is my role.  To be and do the ugly, the vile, the sick, the evil, and all those things they made me do.  You say I did not choose to be his son, that I do NOT HAVE TO BE HIS SON.  But, he is my father.  HE CHOSE ME.  Do you want me to die "N/SW"?  If I deny him I will die.  I will never be safe again.  No one will be safe again. 

I cannot write anymore or I will need to do something to stop the pain and I don't want to do anything BAD.  I am sick of being BAD.  Okay?

Dev